Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
