His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
