He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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