First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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