i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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