I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
