I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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