R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Come back. Shots need mouths.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
