spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
