I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
