As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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