I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Randomize
