the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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