"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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