just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
