I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
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Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
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She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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