SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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