We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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