How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize