Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Randomize
