All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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