is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
