I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
