the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
