Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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