Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
