Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
