That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
operation have a gay friend backfired
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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