just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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