in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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