dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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