we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
