'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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