I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
