Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I intend to get homeless drunk
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Randomize
