My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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