Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I intend to get homeless drunk
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
