Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
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if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
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careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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