Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
