So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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