I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
