That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
