Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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