My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize