I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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