My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Randomize
