im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.