yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
