And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
