More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
