ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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