wrigley field is MILF paradise
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
