My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I am midnight drunk by noon
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
