Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
