He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
