I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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