I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
