Dual....:-)
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
