I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
