you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
