I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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