toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize