saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
