you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
