If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
